


25 Days of Critic

by nerdcredred, Ocelot_l



Series: Lifetimes [37]
Category: Atop the Fourth Wall, That Guy with the Glasses/Channel Awesome
Genre: Brief Mention of a Bad Childhood, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 08:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2844860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdcredred/pseuds/nerdcredred, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ocelot_l/pseuds/Ocelot_l
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Film Brain and Critic's first Christmas together. While working to complete Critic's holiday list, Film Brain thinks about the present he's selected for his boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All works can also be found at my LiveJournal page at http://bookishlady242.livejournal.com/
> 
> This fic is published WITH PERMISSION from ocelot_l. She is the sole writer of this story and as it is part of the Lifetimes canon, gave me permission to upload it here.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: We do not own the characters, the shows, or the people who portray the characters. This is meant as a work of fiction and is fair use. Please support the creators by watching their videos, letting the ads play, buying their DVDs and merchandise, and/or contributing to their Patreon(s). While not an exact song title, this fic is based on "The 12 Days of Christmas."
> 
> Ocelot's Notes: This is my Secret Santa story for njdoodler112! She requested: "Anything! Go crazy boys and girls" along with a list of couples she'd like to read about. I picked a few couples for this story that were on her list so I really hope you read and enjoy this, my friend! ^_^

_December 1st_

“Rise and shine, my Christmas cupcake!”

Film Brain bolted upright in bed as Critic’s bedroom door was kicked open before gazing around in a daze for a moment as he tried to clear the sleep from his mind.

“Huh? What’s going on? Oh, it’s you, Critic… and it’s 7 o’clock in the morning,” he finally managed to say after catching sight of the wall clock. “Why the hell are you up so early and… and… mmmm… what in the world is that delicious smell?”

Film Brain’s annoyance was immediately neutralized as a delicious aroma filled the room, and he closed his eyes before inhaling a deep breath of sweet, sugary air.

“That would be my new and improved Christmas morning breakfast!” Critic replied as he lowered a tray stacked with piping hot pancakes onto Film Brain’s lap. “I’ve been working all year on creating the perfect pancakes to leave out for Santa Christ and you are going to be the first ones to taste them!”

Film Brain couldn’t help chuckling when he noticed the pancakes were shaped like bells, stars and tiny fir trees. Critic really went all out when it came to celebrating his favorite holiday. “I’m honored to be the first ones to ever taste these,” he told his boyfriend as he reached for a fork. “Do you have any syrup to pour on these?”

“Nope!” Critic declared as he pulled out a small metallic container from his pocket. “These babies are too good for everyday ordinary maple syrup! Instead, I’ve slathered them with my very own cinnamon eggnog butter-patent pending by the way-and now I’m going to cover them in a delicate dusting of powdered sugar, powdered cocoa, and powdered candy canes!”

Film Brain’s eyes widened as he watched Critic cover his breakfast with more of a downpour than a dusting, and his teeth started hurting just from the sight of all that sweetness.

“Are you sure it’s safe to consume this much sugar in one sitting?” he wondered, twirling the fork hesitantly between his fingers.

Critic scoffed and picked up a fork of his own. “Film Brain, this isn’t the time for things like playing it safe and practicing proper dental care-this is Christmas! It’s a time to stuff our faces with the most teeth-rotting, tongue-pleasing delicacies known to mankind! A time to celebrate our joy and love for life by overindulging in every possible aspect of it! And, since you’re spending the entire month with me, I have even more reason than usual to go nuts!”

Film Brain’s face reddened and he looked up to Critic shyly. “I’m happy to be here as well, Critic, though I hope you aren’t making too much of a fuss on my account. I really must thank you again for putting up with me for so long.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Critic replied, his smile bigger than ever. “Making people happy during the holidays is my specialty! Besides, I’ve never had anyone here to celebrate the whole month with me so I’m still getting used to this and… are you sure your family won’t be wanting you to come back at some point?” he asked, expression suddenly apprehensive.

Film Brain shook his head. “No, my folks are beyond thrilled that I’m actually in a relationship and told me to stick around here until January if that’s what I’d like to do. Of course, I won’t be imposing on you for that long,” he hurriedly added.

Critic didn’t seem to be worried by that prospect though and was already beaming brightly once again. “Then like I said, there’s no need to thank me. Although, it would be nice to have some help completing my ’25 Days of Christmas Awesomeness’ list,” he continued, reaching a hand into his pocket before pulling out a slightly crumpled piece of paper covered in his untidy scrawl. He handed it to Film Brain, who scanned its contents before laughing.

“Critic, do you really think it’s possible to accomplish everything on this list? I mean, charting an expedition to the North Pole might take a little longer than the two days you’ve allotted for.”

“Okay, fine, we can lose the trip,” Critic said. “But aside from that, everything else seems doable, right?”

“I suppose so,” Film Brain agreed.

“So, you’ll help me with it?” Critic flashed his largest, most pathetic puppy dog eyes at his boyfriend.

Film Brain laughed once again and nodded. “I think I can manage that, Critic.”

“Fuck yeah! Now, today’s Day 1, which means decorating the house and trimming our Christmas tree!” Critic declared. “I know exactly where to go to get the best one, so I hope you’re in the mood for a drive!”

“I’m-” Film Brain paused as his stomach let out a rather loud rumble and blushed a brighter shade of red, “-going to need breakfast first, but once I’ve eaten, I’ll be ready.”

“Then let’s dig in!”

They each took a hearty bite from the stack of pancakes and chewed slowly before they dove for the glasses of orange juice Critic had also been thoughtful enough to bring.

“So… sweet… can’t… feel… face…”

“You were right… too much sugar bad… very, very bad…”

_December 3rd_

Two days later, after a minor adjustment was made to Critic’s list thanks to a sugar-induced coma on Day 1, Film Brain and Critic had finished decorating the house and were finally setting foot on the best Christmas tree lot in the state, according to Critic’s very detailed research.

Critic was bursting with holiday spirit as usual and had decided to travel to their destination in a homemade elf costume, which consisted of adding red and white tights, a Santa hat, and pointy green shoes to his old Link costume.

“Oh fucking Christ,” a familiar grumpy voice said from behind the two as they strolled into the tree lot. “I already have enough nightmares about that outfit, but thanks for providing new material to haunt my dreams.”

“Snob!” Critic greeted as he and Phelous approached them. “How wonderful to see you!”

“I wish I could say the same,” Phelous snarked, taking in Critic’s costume in dismay before he turned to Film Brain. “You seriously let him leave the house like that?”

“I-I didn’t think he was dressed that badly,” Film Brain said, a bit embarrassed. “He looks so festive and happy, and sort of cute, don’t you think?”

“Cute?” Phelous repeated with raised eyebrows. “You must really love him.”

“Shut up.” While Film Brain loosened his scarf, trying to allow the cold December air to cool off his heated face, Critic skipped happily through the rows of spruces and pines as he searched for the perfect specimen to place in his living room.

“Why couldn’t you have gotten a tree from someplace that wasn’t fucking here?” Snob grumbled, watching as his boss bent down to study the base of one Douglas fir and ended up flashing a couple of teenage girls.

“Critic said this was the best spot for trees, so we drove out here,” Film Brain said with a shrug. “He’s having a good time, so I really wish you wouldn’t try to put a damper on his holiday spirit.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Phelous commented as the father of the teenage girls proceeded to chase a merrily laughing Critic around the lot.

“I’m serious,” Film Brain said, looking them both in the eye. “This is Critic’s favorite holiday and the first one we’re spending together as a couple, so I really want everything to go perfectly. So please, whether it’s today or during his Christmas Eve party, can you two try to tone down your natural… you-ness?”

Film Brain winced when Snob scoffed and crossed his arms, since he hadn’t meant for his words to sound quite so harsh, but Phelous slid an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders and calmed him instantly.

“I get what you mean, Film Brain, and don’t worry, that is far from the worst insult Snob and I have ever received,” Phelous said with a smile. “We promise that when we’re around Critic this month, we’ll be on our best behavior. Right, Snob?”

“Fine, but just for this month,” Snob sighed.

“Thank you.”

“Though I do think you’re being a little naïve to expect things to go perfectly,” Snob said as they began to walk through the lot as well.

“I know that, which is why I’ve been following Critic’s lead,” Film Brain replied. “He’s got this enormous list of things to do during every day of December, so thankfully I can take things one day at a time.”

“List?” Snob asked. “I shudder to think what he might have included on that.”

“It isn’t bad at all,” Film Brain insisted. “Today we’re scheduled to find and decorate the tree, then tomorrow we build festive snow people to decorate the yard, then there’s hot cocoa making, several days spent watching classic Christmas specials and movies, as well as some not so classic Christmas specials and movies, and even a day for having our picture taken with as many mall Santas as we can. Critic made me my own special elf costume for that day!”

“That sounds horrifying,” Snob muttered, before he was met with a small glare from Phelous. “I mean, that, um, that doesn’t sound… completely… horrifying… yeah, that’s all I’ve got.” 

“Well, you certainly sound like you’ll have a busy month,” Phelous smoothly changed the subject. “If you need any help with anything, like shopping for a gift, Snob and I would be glad to offer our assistance.”

Before Snob could protest violently against this suggestion, Film Brain shook his head and smiled. “Thanks, but I don’t have to worry about that at least. I’ve already gotten my present for Critic.”

Snob turned to him curiously. “What’d you get him?”

Film Brain looked around to make sure Critic wasn’t nearby before he whispered his response. “A chess set that’s ‘Looney Tunes’ themed,” he said, eyes shining with excitement. “It’s a real beauty. Bugs is the white king and Daffy’s the black king, of course, but I love how they’ve designated the other characters. Yosemite Sam’s a knight and Porky’s a bishop and that annoying little Tweety Bird is a lowly pawn. I just know Critic’s going to have a blast whenever he gets to knock that little pest off the board. I really can’t wait to teach him the game!”

Once he was finished explaining, Film Brain looked eagerly between the two to gauge their reactions to what he thought was a perfect gift, and was slightly distressed to see they were both staring back at him in incredulity.

“Oh, a... chess set,” Phelous said, trying to suddenly smile again. “That’s, um, a really unique gift.”

“You got that for Critic?” Snob asked, still in disbelief. “Really? You got the guy who wishes he could literally fuck the personification of Christmas a boring game that he doesn’t even know how to play for a present?”

“Snob,” Phelous warned.

“What? I’m not trying to be mean this time. I just seriously can’t believe he got him-ow!” Snob growled and rubbed his shoulder, which was sore now that Phelous had squeezed it. “The fuck was that for?”

“For not knowing when to shut the fuck up,” Phelous said with a sigh before he turned back to Film Brain. “Look, don’t listen to us. You know Critic better than anyone, so if you think he’ll like this gift, then I’m sure you’re right.”

“Yeah, I… I guess so,” Film Brain said, trying to clear out the doubts which were swirling around his mind. “Critic does like trying new things… if they aren’t too hard, that is. And he likes games… mostly video games, but I think he enjoys board games too… sometimes. But he does love ‘Looney Tunes’ themed merchandise, so he… he’ll have to like this.”

“If you say so,” Snob said with a shrug.

“Yeah. He’ll have to like it,” Film Brain repeated, nodding his head a few times, though he wasn’t exactly sure of who he was trying to convince.

“Film Brain!” The three turned around as a rosy-cheeked Critic carrying a moderately sized blue spruce bounded over to them. “Say hello to our Christmas tree!”

“Wow, it’s beautiful,” Film Brain said, admiring the bright blue-green branches with a grin. “You’ve made an excellent selection, Critic.”

“I know.” Critic somehow managed to heft the tree up over one of his shoulders. “And it’s going to look even better once we decorate it, so let’s not waste any time!” With his free hand, Critic grabbed Film Brain’s and squeezed it tightly before he started dragging him toward the exit.

“Bye Phelous, bye Snob!” Film Brain called out as he vanished into the parking lot.

“Thank fucking God they’re gone,” Snob said with a sigh of relief. “Now we can pick a damn tree in peace and get the hell out of here.”

After a short search, the two carried their selected tree to the cash register and Snob reached into his pocket for his wallet. Then he started cursing and searching through every pocket that could be found on his suit.

“Did you leave it at home?” Phelous asked. “It’s fine, I can pay.”

“No, I’m sure I had it in the car,” Snob muttered as he started scanning the ground. “I must have dropped it. Damn it!”

“Sir, we did have a wallet turned in by a customer today,” the woman behind the cash register said, pulling one out from behind the counter. “Is this yours?”

“Oh thank fuck, it is,” Snob said, very relieved. “You can check the driver’s license to prove it’s mine.”

The woman did so before smiling. “Here you are, sir.”

“Is the person who turned this in still here?” Phelous wondered.

The cashier shook her head. “It was turned in by that man wearing the elf costume, but he seems to have left.” 

“Critic found it?” Snob looked to Phelous in surprise before letting out a rare smile. “Heh, I might actually get him a gift that isn’t shitty this year.” He opened his wallet to pay for the tree but froze when he realized the two hundred dollars he’d placed inside were gone.

The smile vanished from his face instantly.

“GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL, CRITIC!”

Miles away, the windows to Critic’s car rattled from the force of some unknown power.

“Did you hear something?” Film Brain wondered.

“The only thing I can hear is this amazing Christmas carol!” Critic replied, turning up the radio volume as high as it could go. Film Brain giggled and nodded his head along in rhythm as Critic sang at the top of his lungs, any previous worries he might have held vanishing from his mind.

_December 10th_

***DING-DONG***

Film Brain unleashed a small groan as the cacophonous chime of the doorbell assaulted his ears. It was already taking all the strength he possessed to put up with the whirring buzz saw that had become the blender; any additional noises were liable to split his already aching head directly in half.  
He moaned softly, rubbing at his throbbing temples, before he hurried over to open the door lest someone press the chime a second time.

“Oh, here we come a-wassailing, among the leaves so green-”

Film Brain promptly slammed the door shut, rubbed the bridge of his nose for thirty seconds, and then opened the door once again.

“What the hell was that?” Linkara asked, crossing his arms in annoyance.

“I’d say someone has lost his Christmas spirit,” Spoony replied, peering at Film Brain curiously. “Most likely to that sweet seductress bourbon, judging by those bloodshot eyes and hickeys all over your neck.”

“Oh God,” Film Brain moaned, hastily trying to pull up the collar of his sweater. “If you must know, Critic and I were having a competition to see who could create the best Christmas drink yesterday, and between his special eggnog recipe and my hot buttered rum, we may have let alcohol get the better of us.”

“Heh, you don’t have to explain,” Spoony said with a smirk. “I have my own tales of getting a little too passionate under the mistletoe.”

“Please feel free to keep those to yourself,” Linkara snarked before he looked to Film Brain in concern. “If you two are both hung-over, are you really up for caroling with us today? We can postpone this for a day or two if you need time to recover.”

“Thanks for the offer, but that won’t be necessary,” Film Brain declined. “Critic’s already burned off his hang-over through sheer willpower and I’m about finished making my own personal cure, so if you two can just wait a few minutes longer, I’ll be ready to go.”

“Well, if you’re sure, then alright,” Linkara said with a shrug.

Film Brain nodded and managed a small smile. “I know how much Critic is looking forward to this, so thanks for your patience. Please, come in and get out of the cold for a few minutes.”

The two producers walked into the house before stopping to stare at their surroundings in awe.

“Holy shit.”

Critic’s house had been completely transformed into a winter wonderland. Every inch was covered in twinkling lights, shimmering snowflakes, and shiny baubles that positively exuded holiday cheer.

“Isn’t it pretty?” Film Brain murmured, a genuine smile sliding into place. “It took us a solid day to set everything up, but we had such fun working on it that it felt like no time at all had passed.”

“Does every room look like this?” Linkara wondered.

“Yep. Although, we had to reduce the amount of lights in Critic’s bedroom, since they were keeping us awake at night.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Spoony teased, glancing back at Film Brain’s love bitten neck. Film Brain blushed and pulled up the collar of his sweater once more before he turned around.

“Anyway, my drink should be finished blending by now. I’ll be right back.”

“Critic’s really pulling out all the stops this year,” Linkara murmured as he walked over to examine a gingerbread house large enough for people to actually enter.

Spoony picked up a bottle of Peppermint Schnapps and shook it hopefully before sighing and setting the empty container back down. “What do you mean? He always goes crazy around this time of year.”

“Yeah, but he’s never gone this far before. I mean, look at this place. There’s a procession of nutcrackers guarding every door in the house, one room seems to be entirely swathed in tinsel, and I think this gingerbread house-” Linkara paused to break off a piece of the peppermint bark roof and bit into it. “Yep, it’s entirely edible.”

“Sweet, let me have a piece.”

While Spoony munched on the peanut brittle door knocker, Linkara walked back into the living room and spotted a few snowflake patterned checks on the coffee table. He picked them up and whistled appreciatively.

“Holy crap. Look at these bonus checks Critic’s sending out. I’ve never seen him be this generous before. He really has gone Christmas crazy this year.”

“Eh, it’s probably because of Film Brain,” Spoony said, licking stray bits of crystallized sugar from his lips as he peered over Linkara’s shoulder. “Critic hasn’t had regular sex in a long time-”

“And you would know that how?” Linkara asked, arching an eyebrow at the gamer.

“-and you know how getting laid regularly can do wonders for not only the body, but the soul,” Spoony finished, ignoring Linkara’s curious look.

“Yeah, I guess I do know a thing or two about that,” Linkara agreed. Spoony couldn’t help rolling his eyes but refrained from commenting. “We should really get Film Brain something nice this year to thank him for putting Critic in such a good mood.”

“Fuck no. He and Critic are both getting cash and liking it, or else they aren’t getting a present from me ever again,” Spoony declared. Linkara let out a chuckle.

“Same here. Critic’s way too hard a guy to shop for so I always end up giving him cash or a gift card. What kind of present do you get for the guy who loves Christmas this much that can possibly live up to his amazingly high expectations?”

“Beats me.” Spoony suddenly sniffed the air and wrinkled his nose. “Oh, fuck, what the hell is that?”

“Sorry to keep you waiting, fellows.” Film Brain returned from his venture into the kitchen carrying a tall glass of thick green liquid which contained some sort of lumpy grey matter within.

“Film Brain, that smells disgusting,” Linkara said in a nasal voice, as he was pinching his nose to avoid the smell.

“It tastes even worse,” Film Brain added. “Wish me luck.” He threw back his head and downed the drink, which resulted in him doubling over and coughing for a few minutes. Once he’d managed to regain control of himself, though, Film Brain stood back upright and grinned at the others. “There. I feel fit as a fiddle and ready to carol with the best of them. I just hope you’ll excuse my admittedly weak vocal chords.”

“Don’t worry about that, since Linkara drowns out everyone anyway,” Spoony teased, earning a hearty shove from Linkara in response.

As the two began an impromptu wrestling match, Film Brain slipped back into the kitchen to wash out the glass and to splash a handful of water on his face. He’d started feeling a bit flustered when he’d overheard his friends talking about the presents they were giving, even though he knew it was a ridiculous notion to be nervous about something like that. Even if Critic did love Christmas more than most people, there was no way he would become upset over a potentially boring present. He wasn’t that shallow or petty of a man… was he?

Before Film Brain’s thoughts took him down too dark a path, Critic finally made an appearance downstairs and popped his head in through the kitchen doorway.

“There you are!” Critic greeted him with a rosy-cheeked smile. “How’s your head feeling, Film Brain?”

“It’s perfect,” Film Brain assured him, the older man’s warm expression soothing his nerves instantly. “What about yours?”

“I’ve been feeling fine ever since that shower we took together this morning!”

“Critic!” Film Brain turned beet red. “Don’t talk about things of that nature so loudly or Linkara and Spoony might hear you!”

“It’s a little late for that!” was the chorusing response from the living room. Film Brain moaned and buried his face in his hands while Critic chuckled.

“Oh, come on, that’s far from the worst thing they could have heard about us. What about the time we-”

“Enough!” Film Brain lunged at his boyfriend and quickly covered Critic’s mouth with his own, which settled down Critic right away, and caused a round of boos to sound from the living room.

Thankfully Critic’s presence bolstered everyone’s spirits, and there were no further insults or shoves once the quartet began their journey around the neighborhood. Even though Film Brain and Spoony were not amazing singers by any means, Linkara and Critic’s voices were strong enough to charm the inhabitants of every house they visited, though the one charmed most of all by Critic was his boyfriend. Film Brain had always adored listening to the older man sing, and at times he even found himself falling quiet so he could admire the clarity and warmth of Critic’s voice. By the time they were ready to end their caroling session, Film Brain was filled only with feelings of love and gratitude at having been able to enjoy Critic’s singing for such a long period of time; any other troublesome thoughts that might have plagued his mind had once again been vanquished.


	2. Chapter 2

_December 18th_

Critic straightened the collar of his life-size reindeer outfit and adjusted the red satin sack held over his shoulder before he turned back to his similarly dressed boyfriend.

“Okay, we’ve visited everyone in New York, so it’s time to pick a new state. Where should we head to next, Film Brain?”

Film Brain scratched his head, knocking his antlers slightly askew as he thought. “Hmm, well, I am feeling a bit nippy, so perhaps we could head back to your place for a pint of cider before visiting the producers who live in Illinois?”

“I like the way you think!” Critic quickly queued up the teleportation app on his phone before grabbing Film Brain’s hand. They arrived at his place without any trouble and warmed up for a short while before heading out once again, first to Lupa’s home, then to Snob place (he was fortunately out at the time), and finally to Spoony’s house.

“I can just imagine the comments he’ll make once he sees our costumes,” Film Brain murmured, his cheeks already growing warm at the prospect.

“As if Mr. ‘If-I’m-not-in-a-dress-I’m-in-a-thong’ has any room to talk,” Critic replied, not at all bothered by the thought of what their friend might say. He confidently pressed the doorbell and waited for Spoony to answer.  


To both of their surprise, the door was opened by a small, pink round thing with incredibly large eyes. 

“Riki-tee!” SOI chirped before he started bouncing around in excitement. “Riki! Riki-tee!”

“Uh…” Critic looked to Film Brain in confusion. “Do you have any idea what he’s saying?”

“I haven’t a clue.”

“Son, what have I told you about answering the door without me?” a familiar voice suddenly called out from inside. “If this is another one of those pesky cult members, I am firing up my orbital death ray, I don’t frigging care anymore…” Dr. Insano trailed off when he arrived at the door and spotted the two costumed producers, before his expression became one of terror. “Dear Tesla-mutant reindeer! I knew the government’s secret illegal experiments were more advanced than mine, but I never thought they were this far ahead! Quick son, run and hide while Daddy gets his flamethrower!”

“Would you knock it off?” Critic said, glaring at the scientist in annoyance. “It’s me, the Nostalgia Critic, remember? I’m Spoony’s old boss and current friend? The one who stole all that space-travel technology shit of yours a while ago?”

“Oh, right.” Insano quickly returned Critic’s glare. “How dare you show your face here after daring to steal from me? I ought to fetch my flamethrower anyway!”

“If you do that, then you and your son won’t be invited to my Christmas party anymore,” Critic countered.

SOI’s eyes lit up even more if that were possible when he heard the word ‘party’ and he bounced up onto Insano’s shoulder, chirping loudly into his ear.

“Gah! S-son, please, calm yourself,” Insano pleaded as he took the orb child into his arms. “Alright, I promise not to harm the freaks, so you don’t have to worry.”

“Riki-tee?”

Insano sighed. “Yes, fine, we can attend their party, although we will not be participating in any of their bizarre reindeer games,” he added, giving them both a pointed look.

Critic scoffed. “As if you have the ass to pull this look off.”

“Anyway,” Film Brain jumped in before any more insults could be hurled, “here’s an invitation for you along with a schedule of events. You’ll probably want to arrive in time for the snowball fight and the fruitcake toss.”

“Whoever tosses their fruitcake the farthest wins a stocking full of mystery gifts,” Critic explained, much to SOI’s delight. He started squirming in Insano’s arms, so the scientist set him down before he accepted the festive red and green envelope from Film Brain.

“Son, why don’t you go to your room and work on your letter to Santa Christ while Daddy finishes talking to these freaks, okay?”

“Riki!”

Insano waited until he heard the door to his son’s bedroom close before he turned his attention back to Critic and Film Brain.

“Look, Insano, I don’t know what you want to talk to us about, but if it has anything to do with us volunteering for an experiment of yours, then we want no part of it,” Critic declared, putting one hand on Film Brain’s shoulder protectively. “I’ve been down that road before, and I am not putting up with another six months of glow-in-the-dark body hair, no matter how good the pay is-”

“No, no, this hasn’t anything to do with SCIENCE,” Insano interrupted before he lowered his voice. “I need to know if either of you has any experience with repairing broken toys.”

“Toys?” Film Brain repeated in surprise.

“Shh!” Insano quickly looked all around before he turned back to them. “Yes, toys, but keep your voice down so my son doesn’t hear you!”

“Sorry,” Film Brain whispered in apology.

“I may know a thing or two about toy repairs. What sort of toy are you talking about?” Critic wondered, also whispering.

“Lately my son has been fond of watching some movie about a train which travels to the North Pole thanks to the power of, ugh, magic,” Insano explained. “I might hate the black arts, but I love my son, so I knew that he’d likely enjoy a present that reminded him of the movie, which is why I stole-er, I purchased for him a model train set. However, once I’d returned home and opened the set, I was dismayed to learn that there were several damaged components to its motor and internal workings. Normally I would return such an inferior product, but I don’t have a receipt… for very normal, not at all illegal reasons, of course! And, to make matters worse, Spoony’s blasted dog ate the manual for the train’s operation! So now while he’s out at the vet saving the life of that worthless flea-bag, I’m stuck here with a useless pile of metal and plastic!”

“You can’t fix a broken toy train?” Critic asked in a skeptical voice. “Aren’t you supposed to be a super genius or something?”

“A child’s plaything is in no way similar to an anti-magic generator kit!” Insano snapped, his face suddenly flushing red. “My brain is much too advanced to comprehend the insultingly simplistic workings of-you have no idea of what I’m capable of-if this were an atomic device or dimensional portal, or even a part of my gaydar-”

“Okay, I got it. You suck,” Critic said, earning himself a string of curse words before Insano hung his head in shame.

“Alright, fine, I’ll say it. I suck. Now, will you please help me with my son’s gift?”

Critic sighed. “Fine, since it’s for your kid, I’ll do it. Sorry about this,” he added, turning to Film Brain.

“It’s alright,” Film Brain told him. “I know you can’t resist helping people during this time of the year. It’s actually a very admirable quality of yours,” he added in a shy voice.

Critic’s chest puffed out with pride. “Really? What else do you find admirable about me? My roguish good looks? My impeccably sharp wit? ”

“Oh yes, all of those,” Film Brain happily agreed. “As well as-”

“Hey! Did you forget someone else was here, witnessing this sickening display?” Insano snapped.

Critic pouted at him. “Spoilsport.”

“You can engage in all the verbal fellatio you’d like once you’ve finished fixing the damn train, so get to work!”

“Now who’s the one not keeping his voice down,” Film Brain muttered as he and Critic followed the scientist into his lab.

Fortunately, the toy train was one Critic was familiar with, and within an hour he’d managed to repair or replace the damaged parts with items Insano provided for him. Film Brain quite enjoyed watching him work, since this meant he got to be Critic’s assistant who wiped the sweat from his brow and massaged his shoulders when the need arose; he might have done the latter a few more times than was necessary, but Critic never complained once.

“Okay, I think this should do it.” Critic turned to Insano. “If you set up a small track I can test it out and make sure the train runs smoothly.”

Insano swiftly cleared a table and created a short circular path for the train to follow. Once he was done, Critic set the train upon the track and picked up the remote control.

“Here goes nothing.” He pressed the appropriate buttons and bit down on his lip, before grinning when the train began to slowly chug away. “Yes! It works!”

“It works!” Insano echoed, clasping his hands together in delight. “You did it, you actually did it! Oh, you beautiful deer-man, how can I ever thank you?” Insano surprised everyone by suddenly hugging Critic tightly.

“Ugh. Y-you can thank me by letting go and never speaking of this moment again,” Critic said, trying to squirm out of the scientist’s grip. Film Brain couldn’t help giggling at his predicament, since Critic always looked cute when he was embarrassed.

“Whatever you say!” Insano dropped Critic like a sack of potatoes and hurried back to the train, bending down so he could get a closer look at its journey around the track. “It’s perfect. I can’t wait until my son wakes up on Christmas morning and witnesses this magnificent piece of technology voyaging past a pile of presents as it circumnavigates the tree. He will be so very happy… his eyes will sparkle with glee, his smile will radiate with more warmth than a thousand suns… I love whenever I can make him that happy… he means so very much to me.” Insano turned back toward the two. “I can’t thank you enough for this. If there’s anything I can do for you, please name it.”

Critic, who’d picked himself off the floor, smiled at the tenderness in Insano’s voice and patted the odd man on the shoulder. “Hey, there’s no thanks needed. I know exactly what you mean. That expression of joy you see when you give someone you love an amazing gift is priceless, and I’m just happy to help you experience that, Insano.”

“You are a better man than I thought, Critic. I shall wipe your name from my vengeance list immediately.”

“Wow, thanks!” Critic turned to Film Brain happily. “I’m doing a great job of turning my enemies into friends lately, don’t you think?”

Film Brain, who was suddenly deep in thought, didn’t realize he’d been asked a question.

“Film Brain?” Critic’s expression grew concerned. “Film Brain, are you okay? You’re looking kind of pale. More than usual, I mean.”

“Huh?” Film Brain was startled from his thoughts, but he quickly managed a smile. “Oh, yes, sorry. I was just drifting off for a moment.” He faked a yawn before standing up from his seat. “Shall we be heading off then? We still have many more producers to visit today.”

“You’re right,” Critic agreed. “What do you say we head to your side of the world and visit our European friends before they head off to bed?”

“I’d say that I’m sure Welshy will be thrilled to see us in these outfits,” Film Brain quipped as he took Critic’s hand.

“As if Mr. ‘I-love-corsets’ has a leg to stand on,” Critic replied before glancing back at Insano. “See you at the party next week.”

“We will be there with bells on!” Insano promised. Film Brain watched as he bent back down to observe the train complete its second loop around the table. A strange feeling had arisen in his stomach, but he chalked that up to the constant use of Critic’s teleportation app and thought no more about it, or their visit with Insano, for the rest of the day. 

_December 23rd_

Film Brain sighed as he walked into Critic’s bedroom and unceremoniously collapsed onto the bed.

He was exhausted, having finally completed a day filled with baking pies, Yule logs, and dozens upon dozens of cookies for Critic’s party the following day. Thankfully Critic had bribed several other producers into helping expedite the process, but it had still taken all day to get everything done.

Film Brain laid flat on his stomach for a few moments before he rolled onto his side and turned on the radio Critic kept on his nightstand, searching through the stations until he felt one playing Christmas carols. Then he rolled onto his other side so he could gaze out into the wintery night. A light flurry of snowflakes had started to fall and in the distance, Film Brain could see several houses twinkling with brightly colored lights, although he felt none of them compared to the pale blue lights Critic had used to adorn his bedroom. They emitted a soft, comforting glow that was on the verge of lulling Film Brain to sleep, when the sound of the door creaking open caught his attention.

“Critic?”

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were sleeping,” he apologized. “I thought you were going to take a shower.”

“I was planning to, but it’s much too cozy in here, so I’ve lost the will to move,” Film Brain replied.

Critic laughed. “Luckily you won’t have to move an inch more tonight, so feel free to nap for as long as you’d like.”

Film Brain craned his head back toward Critic. “What about the dishes? I can’t believe you’ve finished them all this quickly.”

“I offered Chester and Lester a bright shiny quarter each if they finished those for us,” Critic replied. “But what they don’t know is that those quarters are hidden in the pockets of two new winter coats.”

Film Brain smiled. “You’re almost as kind as Santa Christ, Critic.” He yawned then and closed his eyes, preparing to do as Critic suggested and take a nap, when the bed suddenly sagged and shook as another person settled onto it.

“Is it okay if I lie here with you?” Critic asked softly.

“Sure it is.” Film Brain was a bit surprised when Critic wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a warm hug. He was used to Critic cuddling him in his sleep, but he seemed to be shyer about that when they were both awake.

“Mmm, you smell delicious,” Critic murmured, nuzzling the younger man’s hair.

“I smell as if I’ve been bathing in pumpkin, vanilla, oatmeal, and gumdrops all day,” Film Brain replied.

“And which item on that list is not delicious?” Critic countered. Film Brain giggled before falling silent as Critic pulled him closer, his grip tightening. ‘Carol of the Bells’ began to stream from the radio speakers just as Critic began to speak; even though he spoke softly, Film Brain heard his every word.

“I’m really glad you’re here. Even though I love Christmas, it isn’t as easy to celebrate by yourself as I make it seem. I mean yeah, my brother stops by at some point to see me, and Chester, Lester, and Dominic randomly pop up, but it just… never felt right before. I guess that’s because I keep remembering the Christmases I had as a kid. Those were just… amazing.”

Critic’s eyes glittered as he flashed back to his youth. “My family’s really big and we’d all get together during December to celebrate. I’d see all my aunts and uncles and cousins, and we’d play games and sing songs… my mom really loved Christmas too. You know, that was the only time I remember my mom smiling. Yeah… she’d smile all the time during Christmas. Every bad thing was forgotten, everybody was good enough for once… she even smiled at me when I’d give her my present. I worked so hard every year to scrape up enough money to buy her the perfect gift because I… I really loved seeing that smile…”

Film Brain watched as Critic wiped his eyes and he reached out, resting a hand on his cheek. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry about that, I was just getting nostalgic, as per my name,” Critic explained with a chuckle. “But enough of that sappy shit. Tomorrow’s almost here and I’ve got to pep up for the party!” Re-energized, Critic jumped back up and clapped his hands together. “I’ve got a lot of work to do, but I wanted you to know that you have the night off, Film Brain!”

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely. You’ve done more than enough for me, so take it easy tonight and get some rest because tomorrow’s going to be great!”

Once Critic had left to continue his preparations, Film Brain sat up as well, also invigorated. He grabbed his laptop and Critic’s cell phone from the dresser, queuing up the teleportation app.

“I hope the bank is still open,” he muttered right before he vanished from sight. 

_December 24th_

Critic, dressed in his favorite holiday outfit of all, a Santa suit, stood in the middle of his living room observing his party proudly.

All around him festive music filled the air, games were being played, songs were being song. While Nella gave a demonstration on how to build the perfect holiday wreath, MikeJ was spiking the bowl of non-alcoholic eggnog and Benzaie performed a Christmas strip tease, an aptly placed piece of mistletoe tucked into the waistline of his boxers. At the ornament painting station in the dining room, Snob was creating an adorable kitten-themed bauble, while over in the study Fat Grandma read an updated version of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’, which included much more sass and slaps in the mouth than usual. Harvey Finevoice was leading a round of the ‘Jingle Bells’ in the kitchen while Linkara, who had just tasted and spat out the non-alcoholic eggnog, started chasing MikeJ around the house. The two just barely avoided tripping over 90s Kid, who was curled up by the fireplace with 80s Dan, roasting marshmallows.

Everything was joyful and merry and perfect, just as it should be.

Aside from the fact that Film Brain was nowhere to be seen, that is.

Critic frowned when he finally realized this fact and began to search for the Brit. “Hey, Chick,” he said, approaching the girl from behind and tapping her shoulder. “Have you seen-gah!”

“Hi Critic!” Hyper Fangirl whirled around and Critic mentally cursed himself for being stupid enough to confuse her with the sardonic cinemaphile. “Awesome party! Thanks so much for inviting me!”

“Oh, um, well I, you know, wanted to say thanks after you agreed to help me out with that review,” Critic said slowly, since he never knew what might set the girl off.

“Our big scene together was so great, wasn’t it?” Hyper replied, clenching her cup of cider so tightly that a bit spilled out over the rim.

“Yeah, that completely platonic and not at all romantic gesture of kindness really put some people in the Christmas spirit,” Critic replied, his eyes now darting around the room nervously. “Anyway, have you seen my boyfriend, Film Brain, who is my actual boyfriend that I love and am very happy with? Boyfriend.” He repeated for emphasis.

Hyper laughed. “Of course I know you have a boyfriend, Critic! Which I’m glad you brought up, since it reminded me of the idea I had for our next episode!”

“What do you mean our next episode?” Critic asked sharply.

“What if we introduce a new aspect to my character?” Hyper continued, oblivious to the annoyed look Critic was giving her. “I can become the Hyper Yaoi Fangirl and completely fangirl over your relationship with Film Brain!”

“Uh… what?”

“It’ll be great!” Hyper continued enthusiastically. “I can make fanvids of you two, read out some of my fanfiction, even show off my fanart! I have some great nudes of you in my sketchbook, Critic-want to see?”

“No!” Critic shouted, before quickly lowering his voice so the other partygoers didn’t notice a commotion. “I mean, uh, not right now, since I am still looking for Film Brain, but maybe we can discuss this whole, uh, Yaoi thing another time.”

“Really?” Hyper looked excited. “When?”

“Next, uh, Febmargustember,” Critic mumbled before hurriedly walking off. “Okay, bye.”

“Bye Critic!” Hyper said, waving cheerfully. “I’ll see you then!”

“Wow, is she a loon,” Critic murmured as he climbed up the stairs as quickly as he could. “I’d better lock all my shit up before she sneaks into my room and steals my boxers or something.”

Critic was about to make a beeline for his bedroom when he noticed the door to the guest room was ajar. Worried that some of his more inebriated guests might have wandered off from the designated party zone, he opened the door and walked inside to investigate. Everything looked to be normal, however, and Critic could see no sign of anyone having entered the room at all, so he turned to leave before stopping completely when a strange sound caught his attention.

It seemed as if someone was sniffling inside the closet not ten feet from where Critic stood. Nervous about who or what he might find inside, Critic braced himself for the worst as he pulled open the door, but what he found startled the hell out of him.

“Film Brain?”

Film Brain was sitting in a crumpled ball on the floor of the closet, arms holding his knees protectively against his chest. To his side was a laptop and a pile of money, but Critic could focus on nothing but his distraught boyfriend.

“Critic,” Film Brain croaked in a miserable voice. “Y-you weren’t supposed to see… oh, what’s it matter. Everything’s ruined now anyway.”

“Film Brain, what’s going on?” Critic fell to his knees and peered at the younger man in confusion. “Why are you crying? What’s wrong?”

Film Brain buried his head in his arms. “What’s wrong is your present. I looked so hard, Critic but I… I just couldn’t find it. I searched all night, but every gift that I thought might work was either sold out or snatched away by another bidder before I could claim it. I-I really tried, but I failed… I failed you, Critic. I couldn’t do anything for you and now C-christmas is ruined…”

“What are you talking about?” Critic gently took hold of Film Brain’s shoulders. “It’s okay if you couldn’t find a present for me, Film Brain. It sucks, but it doesn’t mean Christmas is ruined.”

“Yes it does,” Film Brain moaned, lifting his head to stare miserably at the other man.

Critic winced at his haggard appearance. “You look like hell. Why did you stay up all night doing this?”

“Because I wanted… I really wanted it to be perfect for you, Critic.” Film Brain’s eyes shined anew with tears. “I know how much this time of year means to you. Y-you told me how happy it makes you, how happy it made your whole family and... and your mom. You finally felt loved and wanted like you always should have been and I-I wanted to make you feel that way too. I wanted to get you the perfect gift, like you got for her, because I love you so much, and the thought of making you sad during Christmas just… hurts.” Film Brain sniffled and wiped his nose with the sleeve of his sweater before turning his head away. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… I know I can’t make this up to you but I’ll try… somehow I’ll try to do it…”

“Film Brain.” Film Brain swallowed when he heard his name spoken in such a tiny voice. He looked to Critic, who had his eyes closed. “When we were together, doing the things on my list this month… did you have fun?”

“W-what?” Film Brain stared at Critic in confusion.

“Did you have fun?” Critic asked again, eyes still closed. “Did you enjoy stringing popcorn with me? Roasting chestnuts? Hanging stockings?”

“O-of course I did,” Film Brain answered. “And taking a sleigh ride through the park, making up new verses to ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’, covering Nerd’s house in festive red and green toilet paper-I loved doing all those things! You made every day of the month wonderful, Critic, so how can you even doubt that I had fun?”

“So then… you really liked the list.” Critic opened his eyes and Film Brain was startled to see that they were watery. “I think I told you this, but I’ve never had anyone here to celebrate the whole month with me. I’ve never had anyone care enough about me to even consider it. But you… you did. You wanted to be with me every day. You had fun with me every day. You made every day so happy for me, Film Brain. This was my favorite time of year because it reminded me of when my family was happy, but you… you’re like my family now, and… and just being with you, just having fun with you, makes me happiest of all. I don’t want anything else from you, Film Brain. I just… want you.”

Critic’s face grew flushed and he looked down, a tear rolling down to the tip of his nose. He was feeling quite vulnerable since he wasn’t used to directly expressing so many of his feelings. Thankfully Film Brain recognized this and after he scooted out onto his knees, he drew Critic into a warm embrace until the older man could collect himself. He was touched beyond belief that Critic considered him his family now, but he was too focused on reassuring his boyfriend to press further into that piece of information.

“You have me, Critic,” he said softly, resting his chin on Critic’s shoulder. “You’ll always have me.”

“Then don’t fucking say you failed to get me a present,” Critic mumbled, his voice lightly choked with emotion. “This was the best fucking Christmas of my life and I don’t want you to be sad about any part of it.”

“I’m not. I promise I’m not sad anymore,” Film Brain reassured him.

“Good.”

“But I still want to give you your present.” Film Brain felt Critic tense and he swiftly kissed the other man until they both felt calm again. “It’s okay, Critic,” he said upon pulling back. “I bought this one for you a while ago and I… I think you’ll like it. Please let me get it for you.”

Critic nodded. “Okay.”

Film Brain smiled and stood up, making his way to the suitcase he’d stored in this room to make space for the decorations they’d put up in Critic’s bedroom. He rummaged inside before pulling out a small, rectangular packaged wrapped in shiny red and green paper. “Here you are. I hope it’s what you want,” he added shyly.

Critic didn’t respond as he tore off the paper and dropped it to the floor until he revealed a wooden box which looked as if it were folded in half. He furrowed his brow as he turned the box over in his hands, before he unfolded it and gazed at the contents within.

Then his face lit up brighter than any Christmas tree.

“Holy shit! Holy fucking shit! Look at that! It’s Daffy! King Daffy! And… Queen Tasmanian Devil! I don’t even care that that makes no sense, it’s fucking awesome!”

“I-I thought it made a certain kind of sense, because Taz is so animated that he would be a fitting representation for a piece which can move in any direction on the board for as long as you want it to,” Film Brain explained.

“Heh, and look at that little shit Tweety Bird! You’re a fucking lowly pawn, you yellow bastard! Not even Queen Granny can save you now! Ahahahaha!”

Critic took great delight in picking up the Tweety pawn and bashing its head with the Sylvester rook.

Film Brain laughed as he watched Critic play with the pieces. “I hope you have this much fun playing the actual game. I-if you’d like me to teach you, that is.”  
“Fuck yeah I would.” Critic directed his joyful look back at Film Brain. “If I learn chess, I can do parodies of ‘The Seventh Seal’! And that one ‘Harry Potter’ movie!”

Film Brain laughed. “I’d like to see how you pull those off.”

Critic grinned. “Well, I don’t just share my brilliant ideas with anyone, but I think I can make an exception for the man who got me the best present this Christmas.”

Film Brain blushed and looked down. “You haven’t even opened your other gifts yet.”

Critic walked over and tilted his chin up. “That doesn’t matter. I already know that it’s true.”

The two shared a long, deep kiss that lasted for quite some time until Film Brain ended up yawning into Critic’s mouth. He was still quite exhausted so Critic helped him into bed and tucked him in, smiling as the Brit drifted off with a peaceful smile on his face. After he’d turned out the lights and closed the door, Critic went back downstairs to end his party a bit earlier than expected.

_December 25th_

“Rise and shine, my Yuletide yearning!”

Film Brain groaned and rolled over, pulling the covers more tightly around his head. “What… Yuletide yearning?” He was a bit too groggy to realize what precisely Critic was saying.

“Yeah, it’s not my best, but it’s hard coming up with terms of endearment that start with a ‘y’,” Critic admitted as he opened the curtains and sighed happily. “I do so love a white Christmas.”

“Mmm, and I do so love a warm bed,” Film Brain muttered. He was on the verge of drifting back to sleep again when he detected the scent of a familiar, sweet sensation he’d tasted only once before. “You made another batch of pancakes?” he asked, unable to stop himself from sitting up and eyeing the steaming stack Critic held in his hands hungrily. Even though his last experience with Critic’s cooking had almost required him to take an insulin shot, Film Brain was starving and unable to think clearly when his sense of smell was being overloaded.

“Yep! And this time, I have wisely decided to tone down the powdered component of this dish,” Critic said. “I guarantee that you can dig in without having to worry about your teeth or your blood sugar level this time.”

Film Brain giggled as the pancakes were set down before him, and was about to reach for a fork when a small, blue box in the corner of the tray caught his attention. He picked it up instead, noting how soft the velvet blue outer covering was, before a realization fell over him.

“Critic, what… don’t tell me it’s…” Film Brain stared up at his boyfriend in disbelief. This couldn’t be happening.

“What?! No!” Critic snapped, his face suddenly red. “It’s not a fucking ring! Can’t a small blue box just be a fucking small blue box? I mean, I love you and everything, but I am not at all ready to take that step!”

“Oh, good,” Film Brain quickly responded, since he wasn’t quite ready for that step either. “Though if it’s not a ring, I haven’t any idea what it could be.”

“Well, open it and find out.”

Film Brain nodded and slowly opened the velvet box to reveal a small, silver key. He picked it up and examined it curiously before his eyes widened. “Critic…”

“Look, it’s just,” Critic started, his face red again as he began fidgeting with his tie, “I really liked having you here this month and, I don’t know, I was hoping that maybe we could… I know you have a place to live, but I… maybe you can be there part of the time and the other time you can come… I just, I want this place to be your… fuck. I just said marriage was too big a step but somehow this isn’t? What the fuck am I thinking?”

“Yes.”

Critic was about to continue berating himself when he realized what Film Brain had said. “What?”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes!”

Critic smiled and wrapped his arms around the younger man. “I can’t believe it… just like that… it was just that easy?”

“Well, it might be a bit difficult as we come up with an arrangement, but for the most part, yep,” Film Brain said, nuzzling against Critic’s chest lovingly. “I would love for this… for you to be my home, Critic.”

Critic’s grip around him tightened. “Merry Christmas, Film Brain.”

“Merry Christmas, Critic.”


End file.
